Rafael Bisquerra: “Stress, anxiety and violence are manifestations of emotional illiteracy”

If we make a revision of the main philosophical currents, it can be observed that the human being has always been searching for happiness. Everyone wishes to be happy and feel good. Is there any magic elixir of happiness? Is happiness an impossible mission or is it something that requires effort and willingness?

There is not any magic elixir, but happiness can be achieved. It is an emotional question that depends on our attitudes, will and actions. Each person builds its own well-being (or ill-being), even if we are not aware of it. And that is our contribution to social well-being (or ill-being).

Adverse circumstances, for instance a disease, unemployment or the death of someone you love, reduce well-being. How can a person fight against the sadness produced by them?

Life is plenty of reasons for being unhappy. It has always been like that. It is much easier to feel sad and pessimistic in extremely adverse situations. The heroic action is to adopt a positive attitude in life that can drive us to well-being. It is not easy, but it is possible. It is a matter of will, attitude, awareness and emotional regulation. Somehow, it is like going against the tide. But it is worthy.

You affirm that there are different types of well-being: material, physical, social, emotional, workplace and organizational. Is it possible to work on them separately? Which one must be prioritised? Does the achievement of one type lead you to another?

Yes, we can work on them separately; in fact, that is how we do it in many situations. As it is explained on the book Cuestiones sobre bienestar, many people and organizations only care about material well-being. However, if we want to be well-rounded individuals, we need a harmonic and balanced development of all types of well-being. A table needs equal legs, not one longer than the others.

It is important to work on global well-being, both personal and social. We need people and organizations that direct their efforts towards global well-being; in other words, their will has to be to achieve material well-being, but also emotional one. The different types of well-being interact among them, the problem is that we are not enough aware of it. We only focus ourselves on material well-being and that unbalances us. This can lead us to anxiety, stress, depression, drug addiction, violence, etc., all them manifestations of the emotional illiteracy that produce ill-being.

In the same conditions, one person feels happy whereas other person feels distressed. Does subjectivity play a major role in all types of well-being?

Real well-being is completely subjective. In the same conditions, one person enjoys some happiness whereas other person feels completely upset. That depends on how we experience the reality that surrounds us. The Greek philosopher Epictetus stated that it is not events what upset us, but the manner in which we live them. Real well-being is subjective and emotional, so it depends on ourselves to a great extent, on our attitudes and will.

Is it possible to work childrenʼs well-being? Are we able to educate them emotionally to become happier adults?

There are some studies on this issue. It is not about spoon-feeding children, absolutely not. The thing is to show them that a person is happier when he/she feels enthusiastic and gets involved in the project he/she loves. In other words, we must prove them that a passive attitude does not lead you to happiness. It is important to understand that well-being is not an easy matter; it requires a lot of effort. For example, when you are cold, you want to get closer to the fireplace but, in fact, the right thing is to make an effort, gather firewood and light the fire in order to allow other people to get warm too.

Is well-being contagious?

Emotional contamination is true: emotions are contagious. It is common to meet one person and, after spending ten minutes talking with him or her, you feel exhausted and completely empty of energies. On the contrary, when you meet someone that radiates enthusiasm and positive energy, then you feel full of energy and you wish to meet him or her again.

Some contexts (for instance, a meeting at work) seem to have a toxic atmosphere. You do not dare to say anything because you know that whatever you say, it will be considered a problem, an attack, and it will make you feel horrible. On the contrary, sometimes it is possible to create a positive emotional atmosphere in which people feel free to express their opinion, to share ideas and to promote creativity in the group. Our challenge is to distinguish between both atmospheres and get infected by the positive one. And more importantly, to differentiate in which one we want to contribute to the infection. Personal and social well-being depends on us to a great extent.

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